This week’s question via the Soul Guidance Hub , comes from a music professor in the USA who prefers to remain anonymous. I will refer to her as Reeba.
Question: How can I overcome my feelings of guilt? For example I feel guilty for the horrible choice of my wedding partner, which distracted my own life and the life of our three children. I am so tired to fight with all problems as a single mother and I feel more guilt that I am not in a good financial situation to help my family better! I am open to receive your suggestions.
Tal's Guidance: Thank you for your openness, vulnerability and willingness to look at this feeling Reeba. I know many of us will be able to benefit from this "oh so human experience". We can only heal that which we are willing to acknowledge, so I want to celebrate you for being willing to look at this with the intention of healing it. I am holding a space for you to heal this for the very last time – for your highest good and for the highest good of all concerned.
Firstly, I would like to acknowledge that guilt, like anything else in life, is our teacher. It reflects to us those different parts of our consciousness that want or need different things and therefore pull in different directions. Freud spoke about the tension between our id, our raw and primitive desires, and our super-ego, that part of ourselves that has internalized the “shoulds” and “coulds” of our family and society. Guilt therefore is what our ‘healthy’ ego experiences when our super-ego and id are in conflict. Our ego, the gate-keeper between these two forces, experiences this tension as guilt. The larger the gap between our id and our ego, the greater the guilt we experience.
In the ancestral/multi-generational healing work I facilitate, I have also seen how some of us also carry guilt from generations passed.
So the point is that guilt arises (in response to either our personal, cultural or systemic conscience) when two opposing forces in our consciousness fight or pull against each other.
So the question is, how do we bring peace to this conflict?
In my experience, this is possible when we activate a new lens or way of observing these opposing forces or parts. Albert Einstein said that we cannot solve a problem from the same level of consciousness or thinking that created the problem in the first place. In other words, we need to use a new lens or ‘set of eyes’ to observe the same reality.
In my own life, I have used a soul-centered lens to help me bring peace to many conflictual situations in my own inner world and in my work with clients. A soul-centered lens looks at life as a school of sorts and views everything (yes everything!) as an opportunity to learn, grow and expand. A soul-centered lens looks at “what is” rather that at how things are "meant to be" and invites us to ask such questions as:
What am I learning from this situation?
What is this experience teaching me?
So let’s tale a small peek at ‘what is’. ‘What is’ is that you and your partner had 3 beautiful children. Without him you would not have birthed your three children. So denying your journey with him, is like denying your three beautiful children. Alongside this ‘fact’ you can also acknowledge that you are no longer in the same place inside yourself as when you met him and that you are now taking strides towards changing your situation. By acknowledging ‘what is’ we take the judgment off ourselves and others. This in turn frees up our energy to create new experiences and opportunities in our life.
Reeba, perhaps you were learning to take back your power and cultivate trust and belief in Self. Then guess what. You will most likely have experienced such situations where others (perhaps your ex husband) took your power away ….or YOU betrayed your own inner knowing.
From a soul-centered perspective, these experiences are an opportunity for you to learn to set clear boundaries, authentically speak up for yourself and trust your inner knowing. This may also include learning to create your own financial abundance, as money is one way to support your independence and take back your power.
From a soul perspective, there is no good or bad, right or wrong. Everything – every experience, relationship, drama – becomes a springboard or catalyst for our highest learning and growth.
Reeba, I invite you to adopt this lens as you view ALL your relationships with more compassion, love and understanding. We are all in the process of growing through our human experience so you are never alone. That said, my own experience has shown me that there is often some ego-work involved too ….and you do not want to do a ‘spiritual bypass’. For this, I invite you to seek some professional support on your journey (email me if you would like some referrals in the USA).
I send you blankets of light as you move towards greater levels of inner and outer freedom.
P.S. Was this blog helpful to you? What did you learn? Did you have any epiphanies or gain any insights relative to your own business and life? Please do share your comments, epiphanies and personal experiences IN THE COMMENT BOX BELOW. I truly value hearing from you!